Overview
To view this page in your preferred language, please use the language drop-down in the lower left of the screen. This article features descriptive audio for the movie, along with the movie audio and an audio transcript.
Length: 89 minutes.
Released: 12th October 2012.
Rating: 5.9 out of 10 from 4109 users.
MPAA Rating: NR – Not Rated. Contains some adult material.
Language: English.
Director: Jordan Roberts.
Creator: Jordan Roberts.
Actors: Charlie Hunnam, Nora Dunn, Sam Anderson, Chris O’Dowd, Kate Luyben.
TagLine: A comedy about two brothers, a girl with a broken heart, a sex tape, an angel and a pig…
3, 2, 1… Frankie Go Boom (2012) Trailer
3, 2, 1... Frankie Go Boom (2012) Trailer
Mom, I can't talk.
There's a party on Friday for your brother
and he wants you to come.
I don't need no complications.
Hi, my name is Bruce and today I
am 90 days sober.
There's my leading man.
Say something, Frankie.
Would you not do that, please?
Is that really Jack?
No.
We might be doing a picture together.
When did you become a director, Bruce?
Don't you remember all those funny movies you
used to make when you were boys?
Hey Frankie, let's go have a picnic.
For lots of love and plenty of soul.
Are you okay?
So Frankie, I was just wondering if perhaps
you could just want me tonight.
You can do, honestly, like whatever you want.
I'm sorry that I'm crying.
You must feel like enough of a failure.
I wanted you to know that I filmed
you and that chick last night.
It was awesome.
I dropped a copy of what I filmed
off at Jack's.
Get it back.
So my brother dropped off a DVD.
I haven't seen it yet.
Oh!
Frank?
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Frank.
You know my daughter?
Just get the DVD on.
Jake is in the pool?
He's fine, he's swimming.
No!
Hey idiots, I uploaded it.
What?
Either take it down right now or...
It's five boners, man.
Five boners is great.
Did it even occur to you there's another
person in your film?
I am nervous about being actually shot.
Ladron!
He's attacking me!
No!
What are you doing?
Run!
No!
I bet you didn't know that he filmed
us that night.
I think he's dead.
I'm with him.
Grab your little fellas.
What about Phil?
Maybe he can help.
Who's Phil?
The cellmate from prison.
Phil?
It's Phyllis now.
Oh my god, that's weird.
Is that a condom?
Yeah, that's definitely a condom.
Tom.
There's a party on Friday for your brother
and he wants you to come.
I don't need no complications.
Hi, my name is Bruce and today I
am 90 days sober.
There's my leading man.
Say something, Frankie.
Would you not do that, please?
Is that really Jack?
No.
We might be doing a picture together.
When did you become a director, Bruce?
Don't you remember all those funny movies you
used to make when you were boys?
Hey Frankie, let's go have a picnic.
For lots of love and plenty of soul.
Are you okay?
So Frankie, I was just wondering if perhaps
you could just want me tonight.
You can do, honestly, like whatever you want.
I'm sorry that I'm crying.
You must feel like enough of a failure.
I wanted you to know that I filmed
you and that chick last night.
It was awesome.
I dropped a copy of what I filmed
off at Jack's.
Get it back.
So my brother dropped off a DVD.
I haven't seen it yet.
Oh!
Frank?
What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
Frank.
You know my daughter?
Just get the DVD on.
Jake is in the pool?
He's fine, he's swimming.
No!
Hey idiots, I uploaded it.
What?
Either take it down right now or...
It's five boners, man.
Five boners is great.
Did it even occur to you there's another
person in your film?
I am nervous about being actually shot.
Ladron!
He's attacking me!
No!
What are you doing?
Run!
No!
I bet you didn't know that he filmed
us that night.
I think he's dead.
I'm with him.
Grab your little fellas.
What about Phil?
Maybe he can help.
Who's Phil?
The cellmate from prison.
Phil?
It's Phyllis now.
Oh my god, that's weird.
Is that a condom?
Yeah, that's definitely a condom.
Tom.
Review: 3, 2, 1… Frankie Go Boom (2012)
3, 2, 1… Frankie Go Boom is a small, messy comedy that leans into chaos. It’s not the most polished film, but there’s something oddly sincere under all the noise. I watched it unsure of what to expect, and while I didn’t love it, I was never bored.
Plot and Tone
The story follows Frankie, played by Charlie Hunnam, a man trying to live quietly after years of humiliation by his brother Bruce, played by Chris O’Dowd. Bruce is a washed-up filmmaker who records everything, including Frankie’s most embarrassing moments. Things spiral after one of Bruce’s videos accidentally sparks a bigger problem, and Frankie gets dragged into a strange series of events involving blackmail, mistaken identity, and a pig. Yes, a pig.
The tone is all over the place. Sometimes it wants to be heartfelt, other times it leans into farce. This back-and-forth doesn’t always work. One moment it’s crude, the next it tries for an emotional beat. That balance is hard to keep, and this movie stumbles a lot.
Acting and Characters
- Charlie Hunnam (Sons of Anarchy, Pacific Rim) plays against type here. He’s not the tough guy for once. He does his best as Frankie, but he often feels like the straight man in someone else’s joke. He’s more reactive than active.
- Chris O’Dowd (The IT Crowd, Bridesmaids) throws himself into the role of Bruce. His energy is high, sometimes too high. He’s funny in flashes, but the character is exhausting.
- Lizzy Caplan (Mean Girls, Cloverfield) plays Lassie, a woman who gets caught up in the mess. She’s sharp and quick, but underused. Her chemistry with Hunnam feels forced at times, but I wanted more of her anyway.
- Ron Perlman (Hellboy, Beauty and the Beast) shows up in a surprise role. It’s odd and jarring, but also kind of perfect. He commits, and that helps.
Direction and Style
Jordan Roberts tries to keep things loose and fast. Some moments land, especially when characters are just talking in quiet scenes. But the louder scenes feel over-directed, like everyone’s trying too hard to be funny. The humor is awkward, not in a clever way, just clunky. The film wants to be edgy but doesn’t earn it.
Cinematography and Design
Visually, the movie is flat. It looks like a cable TV show from the late 2000s. There’s not much personality in the framing or lighting. The production design is simple, which fits the story’s small scale, but it doesn’t stand out. A few desert scenes have some nice natural light, but overall, it’s not a film you watch for its visual style.
Score and Sound
The music is forgettable. It does the job but never adds much. There’s one musical cue during a chase that feels mismatched. Sometimes silence would have helped more.
Editing and Pace
The film runs just under 90 minutes, and you feel it. Not because it’s slow, but because it never quite finds its rhythm. Scenes run too long or cut too quickly. The story jolts from plot point to plot point without much build. It feels like it was edited to keep things moving fast, but fast doesn’t mean smooth.
Dialogue
The dialogue is uneven. Some of it is sharp, especially between Frankie and Lassie. But Bruce’s lines often feel like improv gone too far. There are good ideas hidden under the shouting, but the film doesn’t always trust them.
Themes
The movie tries to say something about shame, family, and letting go of the past. These themes come through in a few quieter moments between the brothers, but they get lost in the louder parts. I appreciated the attempt, even if it didn’t always work.
How It Made Me Feel
I laughed a few times, mostly in surprise. I cringed more. There’s a strange heart to the film, and I felt for Frankie. I just wish the movie had trusted that feeling more. At times I was reminded of better films about damaged brothers or messy redemption arcs, like The Skeleton Twins or Little Miss Sunshine.
Final Thoughts
3, 2, 1… Frankie Go Boom is a strange, uneven film. It swings big and often misses. But it’s not empty. There are small, honest moments buried under the chaos. If you like odd comedies that aren’t afraid to fall on their face, you might find something here.
Notable if you’re a fan of:
- Offbeat sibling comedies
- Chris O’Dowd’s comedic style
- Low-budget indie experiments
Otherwise, it might leave you cold.
Audio for 3, 2, 1… Frankie Go Boom (2012)
Audio and Transcript
Includes English subtitles and an English transcript. To change the subtitle and transcript language, please use the language drop-down menu at the bottom left of the page.
3, 2, 1... Frankie Go Boom (2012) - Audio
I got your favourite cupcake.
Your brother, your damn brother.
Mom, I can't talk.
Uh oh, you sound tense.
I'm not tense, I'm writing.
Can I call you back?
No, no, no, it'll only take a second.
What are you writing?
What do you think I'm writing, Mom?
Writing books you never finish is masturbation, Frank.
And I mean that with love, so don't
take it as an insult.
Anyway, there's a party on Friday for your
brother, and he wants you to come.
Mom, I don't see Bruce.
I don't talk to Bruce.
You know it, he knows it.
It's been three years now, get over it.
Mom, I'm hanging up, I'll call you back.
He's on drugs.
He wanted it to be a surprise.
I know you two have your stuff, and
his counsellor said everyone has to go through
this on their own time.
But if you can come to his graduation
thing, I think you should.
Mom, I just don't think it's a good
idea.
I'm really into this book, and I just
started a garden.
It looks amazing.
Tell Bruce I'm proud of him.
No, you know what, I'll tell him myself.
I'll write him a letter.
Oh my God, would you really do that?
And when he finds out you're not coming,
and he overdoses in a crack house, we
can read it at his funeral.
I don't need no complications.
I don't need no jogging around.
Let's get chasing.
You just set me up, and I'll take
it down.
Yeah.
I ain't got nowhere to be, mama.
Put on that music something low.
And I will rock you slow and easy.
Lots of love.
There you are.
Bruce called.
All the other families are there.
I don't want to be late.
Chris, he's here.
Hi, Mom.
Come on.
The high was implied.
A lot of pictures of Bruce.
Bonnie Hubbard's son raped a girl when he
got out of rehab.
We want Bruce to feel loved.
Sure.
Chris!
I'm here.
Stop yelling.
Why are you wearing the burgundy when I
suggested the blue?
What?
You said red.
Tell your son it's time for him to
move back home.
What?
My people are Jewish.
Moses led us out of the desert.
It is disrespectful to go back.
Would you please stop picking on him?
If what happened to him at his wedding
happened to you at your wedding, you'd want
to hide in a desert, too.
Oh, so now he's guilty.
Is that what you're saying?
Guilty?
Who said anything about him being guilty?
You did, and you said it in your
own words.
And look at that.
That is not a Bruce sweater.
That's a Grace sweater.
Well, I have to use your car.
What's wrong with yours?
We don't have cars right now.
Bruce stole them for drugs.
We said we wouldn't tell him.
We said we wouldn't tell him.
I'm sorry.
Bruce stole your cars and sold them for
drugs?
Why are you so hard on your brother?
Drug addiction is a disease.
Would you be mad at somebody because they
got cancer?
If they stole my fucking car, I would.
Just don't mention it tonight.
Besides, the mopeds are fine.
They're all we could afford.
Apparently, the insurance company doesn't consider it theft
if it's family.
Hi.
My name is Bruce, and I am an
addict and an alcoholic.
Hi.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Today's a big day for me.
I've just come out of rehab.
And today, I am 90 days sober.
My disease had left me in a drug
-induced sleep.
It was rough.
But even then, I had a dream.
Just like this guy.
Just like old Marty King.
I had a dream.
My slavery was not picking cotton or eating
gumbo or whatever.
But it was gin.
And it was cocaine.
And I have been released.
Today, I would like to thank Mom and
Dad and Frank.
This is for you.
Thank you.
There they are.
Aww.
You look so great today.
There's my leading man.
Say something, Frankie.
Would you not do that, please?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I've been waiting three months to get this
puppy back in my hands.
Bruce put his directing career on hold while
he was getting better.
They don't allow cameras in rehab.
Is that really Jack?
Oh, yeah.
I never told you.
Jack!
Jack, come over and meet my family.
Hold a few seconds.
We might be doing a picture together.
With you directing?
Oh, did you hear that?
Oh, my God.
When did you become a director, Bruce?
Dude, I've been directing my whole life.
Don't you remember all those funny movies you
used to make when you were boys?
He tortured him.
Bruce tortured him on film.
That's not true.
It's good to see you.
I haven't seen you since the wedding.
Right?
Yeah.
You're not so mad about that, are you?
Let's just forget about it, Bruce.
Right.
You don't want to talk about it?
Not really.
It's just that I kind of wanted to
talk about it.
Can we just...
Do you think it would be okay just
to keep this about now?
That's not a problem.
Jack, no.
Isn't he an actor with all those guns?
Didn't he shoot somebody or something?
Hey!
Bruce, your old man's fucking gossiping about me,
man.
Oh, God.
Oh, man.
I'm just kidding.
I'm Jack.
Love you people.
I just raised him.
Didn't really hurt him.
Listen, your son, this man here, saved my
life.
If it hadn't been for him, I would
have just ripped my skull right from above
my eyes.
Just ripped it off and taken my brains
and smashed them out.
This man is a saint.
Those are sweet words.
Thank you, Jack.
Bruce, are these your parents?
Oh, yes.
You must be so proud of them.
Dharma, this is my family.
Are you in show business?
Mom, this is Dharma Deacup.
She's been in like a billion porn movies.
Really?
Yeah, but I'm done with all that.
I'm going to try and get into real
acting.
I'm sure you'll be great.
Thanks.
You're a terrific actor.
What?
You, you.
The way you played that comedy.
It's so rare, so special.
You're a great actor.
Thank you.
What is he talking about?
The short!
The short, man.
Super.
What short?
My short.
The short that I shot at UCLA Film
School, bro.
Remember?
How about the wedding?
Right.
You showed them my wedding video?
You know what?
It's not actually called my wedding video anymore.
It's called the wedding video for copyright reasons.
Frank.
Frank.
Frank, what?
They didn't know it was real.
They thought that you were an actor.
Come on, it's not like a million people
haven't seen it already.
It wasn't a million people, Bruce.
It was 18 million people.
Okay, I shouldn't have shown it to Jack
without asking you first.
Oh, you think?
And I shouldn't have put it on the
internet.
That was a mistake.
Okay, Frank, I'm sorry.
Did you just say you were sorry?
I shouldn't have put your wedding tape on
the internet.
I regret it.
It was a long time ago.
I've been a shitty brother.
But I'm a different person now.
I'm sober.
And I would like us to start again.
All right, fine.
I'm gonna cook you breakfast before you go
tomorrow.
It's tomorrow.
I love you, Frank!
Hey, hey, hey, watch it!
Oh, fuck!
Ow!
Ow!
Why aren't you in a car?
What?
This is L.A. Nobody walks here.
Take a little bit of advice.
You learn the lay of the land.
Let me give you some advice.
There's a rehab back there.
Are you trying to say I'm an alcoholic?
Because that is ridiculous.
Alcoholics don't even ride bicycles, buddy.
They drive in cars.
So you are that.
You are an alcoholic.
Lady, are you okay?
Fuck.
Oh, fuck!
Where am I?
In a parking lot.
Why am I in a parking lot?
You passed out.
So you stayed with me?
Yeah.
Okay, tell me where you live and I'll
take you home.
I don't know where I live anymore.
I went home today.
And my fiancé, I dressed like this to
surprise him.
And then I get home and he was
there.
And he was playing tag.
Tag?
Make it tag.
With the guy who cleans the pool.
The pool boy, I guess.
And he's like, Babe, what do you mean
you haven't heard of make it tag before?
You haven't heard of it?
I'm like, no, I haven't heard of it.
Because it's not even a game.
And I'm not an idiot.
So stop saying that it's a game.
He's like, babe, I have an erection.
But it's only because I'm super competitive.
And I'm like, who is competitive at tag?
Have you even ever heard of anybody that's
competitive at tag?
No, because it's a game that you play
with your friends.
It's a friendly game.
It's usually pretty friendly.
He gets me drunk and then he sits
me down and he just tells me everything.
I'm sorry.
God, I have no idea why I'm laying
all of this on you.
I don't even know you.
I'm really sorry.
No, it's okay.
Really.
I'm sorry.
Um.
I don't know what your plans are, but
do you maybe want to, like, go somewhere?
Yeah, you know, let's go somewhere.
Sure.
Okay.
Great.
Would you mind putting your seatbelt on?
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if I live or die.
Okay.
The parrots are sleeping there.
There's a place in the back.
Shit, that's
actually my brother's stuff.
I made this when I was a kid.
Cool.
So you don't live here?
No, no.
I actually live in Death Valley.
What do you do in Death Valley?
I've just been kind of camping out and
trying to write this novel, which is...
Okay.
Is that all right?
Um, yeah, sure.
So what do you write about?
Um, revenge, mostly.
Wait, what is your name?
Frank.
Frank, I'm Lassie.
Hi.
Hi.
So, Frank, I was just wondering if perhaps
you could just want me tonight.
You can do, honestly, like, whatever you want.
Like, really pretty much anything.
Okay, Lassie.
Uh-huh.
Could we maybe kiss first?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're not hard.
What's wrong?
Am I doing something wrong?
No, we just started.
Right, but, I mean...
Actually, Lassie, you're kind of squeezy.
I am.
Sorry.
Is that better?
Uh, I mean, you're still squeezing.
Really?
Fuck.
Okay, how about there?
Um, that's a little better.
Yeah?
Oh, my God, you can eat my bra.
Like, I'm not just saying that.
It's edible.
I got it at a sex shop.
It's not toxic.
It's a turn-on.
I think I'm okay for now.
Um, maybe later?
I'll just, I'll keep it on, so, yeah.
But you're gonna, like, you will eventually get
hard tonight.
Right?
I'm just, it's, I'm just asking.
Like, you will, it'll happen.
It's never been a problem before.
I think we'll be fine.
Great.
I'm sorry that I'm crying.
It's stupid.
You must feel like enough of a failure.
Which you shouldn't.
Lots of guys can't get erections sometimes.
God damn it.
Like, I just don't understand why I'm taking
care of you.
Because you know what?
This is actually a really fucking horrible time
for this to be happening to me.
I just don't, I don't understand it.
I don't understand why nobody will fuck me.
But you're parents, right?
I'm sorry.
Fuck.
I should just go.
So, I'll, I'll go.
You don't have to go.
Really, you don't have to go.
I literally never talk about this.
I found out my fiance was cheating at
our wedding.
Really?
We were only getting married because she was
pregnant.
Turns out it wasn't my kid.
Wow.
My best man.
No way.
What'd you do?
I hit her in the face.
Sorry.
That wasn't really a hit.
It was more like a slap.
And then I pulled her hair a little.
And then I got an upset stomach.
And I, I threw up on her.
It was fucking terrible.
I knew.
I knew that I knew you from somewhere.
I saw that video.
I saw your wedding video.
Yeah.
On the internet.
A lot of people did.
Why did you put that on the internet?
I didn't.
My brother did.
So weird.
My friends used to watch that video all
the time.
I thought it was like the funniest shit
ever.
Yeah.
I never did, though.
I thought that it was just sad.
Like watching someone get their heart stepped on
right in front of you.
Or something.
You're like the only person who ever saw
that.
You still hate her?
The girl?
No.
Yeah.
She sounds exactly like Peter.
Just a lying, cheating, poor bitch.
My God.
Go on.
No, I just think that that's really selfish
and cruel and evil.
And whore-like.
Okay, one more time.
Slow.
Oh, okay.
Um, okay.
She was, uh, what was her name?
Sandra.
Sandra is a fucking...
horrible...
cunt-faced...
bitch.
She fucked you up.
She fucked you up and she sent you
to Death Valley.
Holy shit!
Okay, now, stop talking.
I can't believe it!
Stop talking.
I can't believe it.
Morning, mom.
Morning, horndog.
I saw your lady friend leaving.
Oh, hey, bro.
Hey, sorry, I didn't know you had company.
Oh, no, that's okay.
You remember Claudia, right?
My editor?
Oh, we weren't...
we're just friends.
I mean, she'll come over and let me
eat her out sometimes, but it's not serious.
Hi, Frank.
Oh, wait, bro, bro.
I wanted to talk to you.
Um, I wanted you to know that I
filmed you and that chick last night, and
I am glad that I did.
When she hit you with her bike...
It was awesome.
It was bang!
Fucking love happened.
Italian vibe.
Let's see what happens next.
Like very early Cassavetes.
But I heard you loud and clear last
night when you talked about wanting to be
in the loop and all that shit, and
here's the deal.
I dropped a copy of what I filmed
off at Jack's.
Good for you, baby.
I get it back.
You asked me to be honest, and now
I'm just being honest.
It's pathetic, Bruce.
Oh, shit!
Let me handle this.
Go ahead.
Bro, I'm sorry.
Okay.
I didn't film you two having the sex,
if that's what you're worried about.
I mean, I watched it, but I didn't
film it.
Okay.
Bruce, you're going to give me the address,
and I'm going to go pick up whatever
it is you gave him.
Why are you being like this?
We just had a beautiful moment.
We had another beautiful moment.
Give me the fucking address!
Boys, stop fighting!
I finally get my life in order.
I finally find someone in the business who
believes in me, and I ask my baby
brother for one little favour to help me
achieve my dream.
And will he help?
How is Jack Knoll seeing a movie of
a drunken woman hitting me with a bike?
How can you get your dream, Bruce?
Stop fighting!
Because it's funny, man!
It's fucking funny!
Not as funny as the stuff in the
clubhouse.
What did you say?
Nothing.
Well, you just swore to me that you
didn't film me in the clubhouse.
No, I did not.
I swore that I didn't film you having
sex, and that was true.
But we had sex in the clubhouse!
We had sex almost immediately in the clubhouse.
I mean, that's what we did in the
clubhouse.
It depends how you define sex.
You know, personally, I think that sex involves
one of the people having an erection.
Yeah, that's usually the case.
Will you shut up?
I'm just saying, it took quite a while
for that to occur.
But when you finally, finally did achieve that
erection, and good for you, bro, but when
you did, I cut, because as far as
I'm concerned, sex is a private thing, a
sacred thing between two people, even if it
takes a while.
Bruce, Bruce, listen to my rationale.
How many movies have sex in them?
All of them.
How many movies have impotence?
None of them.
Impotence makes us pop.
Am I wrong?
Wow, wow, wow.
You just hate that I'm making something of
my life, don't you?
You just hate the fact that I'm a
director now.
No, I don't.
You know why?
Because you're not a director!
You're a fucking pervert and a freak!
Well, listen to this.
Action!
Cut!
Action!
Cut!
Fuck!
Action!
Thanks, directing, my friend.
Come on, man.
Let him watch it once.
Did it even occur to you there's another
person in your stupid film?
I mean, did you even think about that?
Mr. Knoll?
Jack?
Jack?
Jack?
Hello?
Jack, you boy.
Hey, man.
Hey!
Almost done.
What's up?
You look amazing.
Where's all your stuff, bro?
Question agency.
They said they're coming for my treadmill this
morning.
Let him try.
Let him try!
He's got a gun.
That's a gun.
That's a gun.
Mr. Knoll, call me Jack, son.
How's my form?
Pretty good.
So, my brother dropped off a DVD?
DVD?
Haven't seen it yet.
I thought you said you were going to
watch it before your agent came over.
Agent dropped me a surprise.
What?
He said no one would hire me.
Fuck him.
I should have fired him years ago.
Now we have grandpa roles now.
Come here.
Look at this.
Come here.
Hit my ass.
Frank, hit it.
Really hit it.
Hit my ass.
I'm not hitting his ass.
Punch his fucking ass.
Come on!
Hit it hard!
Yeah!
Damn right.
Does that feel like a grandpa ass to
you?
Not at all.
That ass is harder than a dick on
viagra.
No, I got an agent who says take
the grandpa roles.
They die at the end.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to cry.
I want to fuck!
Fuck off.
Bruce, we got to do movies where there's
lots of fucking.
Don't worry.
I can see it in your eyes.
I'm fine.
Watch this, motherfuckers.
Where's my diction, Bruce?
Way back there, Jack.
Can you see it, Bruce?
Fucking way over there.
Fuck you, addiction.
You cannot catch me.
I win.
I win.
You win.
I win!
Come on.
We've got to move.
Action!
Hey, watch it!
Make him turn it off.
I can't.
He's enjoying it.
Frank, you've got to tell him.
Why is he telling him?
Doesn't the camera work good?
Oh!
Frank?
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!
Get out!
What the fuck was that?
You didn't see that spark?
What?
What are you doing here?
That'll dry right out.
What are you doing here?
Frank.
You know my daughter?
She's your daughter?
Dad, could you maybe put some clothes on?
Maybe?
This is your dad?
Yeah.
Oh!
Hi.
How do you know my lassie?
Rehab.
From rehab.
Last night.
I was late.
I was on my way to see you.
Yep.
Exactly.
And I ran into him.
Exactly.
How do you know my father?
My brother was his roommate.
Hey!
In rehab.
Yeah.
The brother?
Yep.
That one.
I'm going to finish my workout.
Okay.
And let's all have a good breakfast.
What a coincidence.
He's an amazing man, your father.
Oh, Jack, don't forget the treadmill's on!
Oh, shit!
I fell.
What is wrong with them?
Quick place, Frankie.
They don't want to be filmed.
They shouldn't come here.
Where are you going?
Where are you taking me?
I'm going home.
Where are you going?
Dad?
What's wrong?
He wants drugs.
Jack.
Come here, please.
Please listen to me, man.
Look, I am in deep pain, man.
Now, the doctor said I needed some painkillers.
No, the doctor said Advil is fine.
He told me Oxycontin.
He did not say Oxycontin.
He did not say Oxycontin.
You do not need it.
He said Oxycontin.
Jack, give me the door.
Okay, Jack, listen to me.
Drugs are not your friend.
I am your friend.
And what I'm going to do as your
friend, I'm going to take you to a
meeting.
Can I get your car keys?
I'm going to take you to a meeting.
Shit.
I'm going to take you to a meeting.
Make sure you get that DVD.
Well, it's nice to see you again.
Yeah, you really don't have to say that
to me.
What are you talking about?
I mean, I know you weren't going to
call me, which is actually totally fine, so.
I already did.
Twice.
Check your phone.
I don't believe it.
Look, Frank, I don't do what we did
last night.
Okay?
And I know that lots of girls say
that, but, like, I really never, ever, ever
do that stuff.
And...
Okay.
And now it turns out that you know
my father, who I want to kill.
And anytime I get sucked back into his
whole crazy world, it ends very, very badly.
So...
Lassie, I actually don't know your dad, but
I do know what it's like to want
to kill a relative.
But, hey, look.
I'm not trying to suck you into anything.
I would just really love to go out
on, like, a regular date with you.
You know?
We could see a movie.
Maybe get something to eat that isn't part
of your underwear.
Yeah.
Hi, everyone.
My name is Jack.
I'm an alcohol and a drug addict.
Hi, Jack.
Hi, Jack.
Drugs and alcohol cost me my career as
a movie star.
I only say that in case any of
you doubt that this disease can take away
the things that you love the most.
That's what happened to me.
Just one more thing.
If any of you ladies wanted to have
sex with me back when I was a
somebody and didn't get a chance, meet me
out back.
I also have a pool.
Bruce?
Yeah?
Hi, my name is David.
Hi.
This is my wife, Natalie.
Hello.
We related to everything you said in the
meeting.
Aw.
We wanted to be in the movie business
our whole lives.
And from when we got sober, we swore
we would finally do what we were supposed
to do.
And that's why we started our company.
Los Angeles Pictures.
Los Angeles.
Angels.
Did you know that angels are everywhere?
I did not know that, David.
Here's one standing next to you.
Don't be afraid.
That's Sonia.
She follows us.
Did you come with Jack and all?
Are you friends?
Jack?
Yeah, big time.
Good friend.
No, hit it, hit it, hit it.
Do you think that you and Jack would
be interested in making movies with us about
angels?
Thanks to dentistry, we have plenty of money.
Oh, you guys are like Christian tooth fairies.
That's amazing.
We're ready to go.
We're just looking for like-minded artists to
join us.
You know what's weird?
Jack only yesterday was talking about how much
he loves angels.
Oh my God.
It's a miracle.
It's a miracle.
So how much money do you guys have?
We have a lot.
Shall we pray?
Let's.
Let's pray.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sonia?
Oh, fuck!
Hey, bro.
Where you been?
Well, Jack and I went to a meeting,
after which I was approached by some very
serious film producers.
I need my keys.
I'm late to my last scene.
Okay, have a good time.
You got the DVD, right?
Weren't you supposed to get the DVD?
How'd you know I was not home?
He's saved for another meeting.
So where are you going to take the
last scene?
Just get the DVD out of the plane
and stop talking.
What do you mean?
It's fucking gone.
It's fine.
Where you going?
I'm going to get it.
What if he has an alarm?
You think he has an alarm?
He has no furniture.
But you think he's going to pay for
an alarm?
Use your head, Frankie.
I'm sorry.
I'm not a goddamn criminal.
Yeah, well, it's just as well, because you'd
be a terrible one.
Just...
Fuck, Bruce, the guy has guns.
I know he has guns.
And he will use them on us if
he ever watches that video.
So you're going to help me get it
back, or are you going to stand out
here all night and whine like a little
bitch?
Oh, I'm a bitch?
I'm a bitch?
Then how come you're the one always sucking
Jack Mill's balls?
Hit my brain.
Shit.
The pig is in the pool.
The pig is in the pool?
Fuck.
He's fine.
He's swimming.
What are you talking about?
Pigs can't swim?
Jack shouldn't have kept a pig by the
pool.
It's irresponsible.
It's not our fault.
I'm not leaving him in there.
Fine.
You go get him.
You get him.
I'm going on a date after this.
I can't swim.
What?
I can't swim.
Frankie, I never have.
I don't like water.
I can't even drink this stuff.
Fuck.
I think he's dead.
I think he's dead.
Heimlich him.
Heimlich him?
Do it.
Heimlich him.
Squeeze his little belly.
Is that a condom?
Yeah, that's definitely a condom.
Get it off.
Who the fuck is out here?
Jack.
Jack.
It's Bruce.
Don't shoot.
Don't shoot.
What are you doing here?
I was worried about you.
Hey, Dharma Deacott.
And I thought it would be good if
I could be here when you got home.
And it's a good thing that we were
because your pig fell in the pool, man.
He's all right?
He's fine.
We saved him.
Listen, all, since we're already here, would you
like us to get the DVD player fixed?
That's a good idea, Frankie.
Don't worry about it.
The housekeeper took it home with her.
Her husband fixes it.
Hey, guys.
We're looking for Ramon and Celia.
They're just there for now, bro.
Right.
Do you know where they went?
None of your business.
You're done now.
What's up, homes?
Listen, Celia, the Chiquita who lives here, she
works for a guy called Jack Knoll.
You know Jack Knoll?
He's a big TV actor.
You don't have a DVD.
That's okay.
Jack's a really good amigo of mine, and
he sent me over to just grab something
from...
They just left.
If you want to come back a little
later...
Maybe we'll just have a quick look inside.
Maybe I'll just break your fucking legs if
you take another step.
You're going to do it?
Whoa, guys.
Okay, you're lucky you're standing up.
Sorry to disturb you, Bruce.
Just get the fuck out of here.
See that?
I can see it.
It's just here.
You have to do it.
I swore on my sobriety that I wouldn't
steal anymore, Frank.
And besides, breaking and entering a stranger's home
is definitely a felony.
And I've already got two strikes.
If you think you're going to manipulate me...
Fine.
I'll go.
I'll do it.
It's fine.
Bruce, neither of us should do it.
But, Frank, if I get caught and go
down for 30 years, will you do me
a favour?
Promise you won't put Mom in a nursing
home.
All right, wait.
Wait.
Stop pushing.
Okay.
Okay.
Who's there?
Who's there?
I know you're there.
Thief!
Thief!
You smell like a pig, arsehole!
Stop it, man!
You smell like a pig!
Stop it!
Stop it, I tell you!
I have you!
Come on!
What are you doing?
He's attacking me!
Take him off!
He's really strong!
Frank!
Frank!
Stab him!
What?
Take your knife and stab him!
I'm fucking stabbing him, Bruce!
He's a million years old!
It doesn't matter!
Okay, just bring him over here.
I'll stab him!
Fucking baby!
Paulito!
Do it!
Do it!
Do it!
Paulito!
Where are you?
Fuck!
Bruce!
Shut the fuck up!
It really took you 14 hours to get
me out?
When Bruce gets arrested, we always let him
spend the night.
Your mother and I decided we shouldn't play
favourites.
Bruce is a fucking criminal!
Ex-criminal.
And you are scarcely in any position to
judge.
Here.
Stop the car!
God damn it!
Hello?
I am so sorry about last night.
Don't even worry about it.
Bruce called me.
He told me all about your father's scare.
Are they sure that it's not a heart
attack?
Yeah, he's...
They said he's fine.
Good.
So, uh...
You wanna get together later?
Right.
Well...
Frank, I just...
I don't think that I have the time.
Right.
Okay.
The relief organisation that I work for, they
just offered me this position in China that
I'm thinking about taking, so, you know, it's
just kinda crazy right now.
But if I'm ever in Death Valley, then,
you know, I'll absolutely give you a call.
Okay.
Okay.
Have a safe trip.
Ow!
Fuck, ow!
Hey, bro!
I got it.
It's all broken up.
I also got all the tape.
That's for you as well.
And don't worry, Jack's maid isn't gonna press
charges.
Are you okay, bro?
Did someone touch you in prison?
Have my car keys?
Look at me and tell me you didn't.
I don't have any more copies.
Okay.
I swear on my sobriety that I don't
have any more copies.
And I'll swear that no one else has
any.
Okay.
Since your impotence is apparently so embarrassing to
you, I had Claudia completely re-edit my
movie.
Which means, technically, I don't even have to
show it to you.
Because as you will soon see, this movie
no longer has anything to do with you.
But I'm happy for you to see it
because you're my brother and I love you.
Claudia, play it for him.
Well, what you're about to see, in my
opinion, is a serious step back from the
integrity of Bruce's original work.
Would you just press play, please?
Okay, will you just stop yelling at me,
please?
I'm just playing it.
You're being rude.
Just play it.
What's wrong?
What?
What's wrong?
What?
You're in a heart.
What's wrong?
Am I doing something wrong?
No, no, no.
We just started.
Um...
I'm sorry.
Yeah?
You're kind of squeezing.
I originally planned to put Frost's face on
the genitals, but it's actually a lot funnier
with genitals, especially since you were having so
much trouble with your genitals.
I'm sorry, who the fuck are you?
This is Arthur.
Arthur, this is Frank.
Arthur's a big wig in the whole fuzz
face game.
And what exactly did you plan to do
with this?
It's gonna be submitted to a sex tape
site in the rally.
It's a do-it-yourself fornication and lighting
emporium called choose-a-lamp-and-go-fuck
-each-other.com.
Please get hard!
Please get hard!
Please get hard!
Please get hard!
No!
Oh, shit!
Frank, you ungrateful little bitch!
We did this so you wouldn't have to
be embarrassed.
Ah!
Oh!
Ah!
Hey, idiots, I uploaded it without the fuzz
face.
Now your film is gonna be seen the
way it was meant to be seen.
What?
Are you into lesbians?
That's a thing with guys, right?
The girl is Jack Noel's daughter!
Great art hurts, Bruce.
Mmm, boobs.
All of your boobs.
Do not honk, my horse.
Can you go around him?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Look, who's suddenly nervous about someone seeing the
movie?
Yes, I'm nervous about being killed.
As soon as he sees that video, you
don't think he's gonna kill you, too?
I am nervous about being actually shot, not
about the possibility of maybe somebody on the
Internet seeing my embarrassing wiener.
Open hand!
Open hand!
Hey.
Excuse me.
Kip, Kip, it's him.
It's him.
Oh!
Ah, your video was dope, dawg.
I'm the director.
The most original sex tape ever made.
Shut your mouth.
Kip, would you like it back?
I mean, a sex tape with no sex,
that is just like...
Genius, genius.
Yeah, it was great.
I think this was actually sent to you
by mistake, so we're really gonna need you
to destroy it.
I can't do that.
Once it goes up, it's up for 72
hours.
Wait, wait, wait.
You're saying it's on the Internet now?
Come check it out.
You got some great feedback, dawg.
Come on, man, take a look.
Dad!
God, I'm overwhelming, man.
Come on.
Is that all for me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's the deal.
Either take it down right now or...
Is five boners good?
Five boners is great.
That's five out of five.
Five out of five boners.
And they're real stingy with boners.
Yeah, they don't even give out boners for
anybody.
Dad, we have customers!
Hey, pal, pal.
You wanna negotiate?
No, I don't.
They call me Alfred Bitchcock.
That's hilarious.
I don't know what that means, though.
You want a car?
I don't want a car.
I got a 1900 Honda right outside.
I have a DUI and I drive a
Vespa.
Kinky in Kuala Lumpur thinks that I'm a
visionary.
If other men are on our site and
they see a guy like you having trouble
getting an erection, keeping an erection, forming an
erection, I think that they'll feel a lot
better about themselves.
I don't wanna be too forward, but would
you like to get some coffee or something
later?
Any time.
Oh, that'd be great.
Like, oh, wait, did you mean romantically?
Most certainly romantically.
Bruce, can we leave, please?
Sure.
All right, hey, send us more stuff.
Seriously, guys, you cannot fucking mess with people's
lives like this.
I really appreciate your support.
You will take this down or you will
face the fucking consequence.
I will call you back.
Do you think I didn't just see that?
You heard the guy.
They've only got, like, 15,000 subscribers tops,
mostly in Asia, and he's gonna take it
down in 72 hours?
I'm not waiting 72 hours!
Why are you so embarrassed about your impotency?
I don't have impotency!
I had a brief one-time-only episode.
It happens to everyone.
I was impotent last night.
I know, I was.
I mean, I had just watched your video,
so it was probably some kind of paternal
sympathy softy, but even so, Claudia had to
put three fingers on my ass last night
to get me hard.
I understand your pain.
Family.
Hey, David!
No, this is a good time.
I've just come from church.
Oh, hot.
My jaw hurts.
I'm sorry.
Mother of God.
Okay, Dad, that's enough.
Well, that was excruciating.
Just tell me you can get it down.
This is outside of our area of expertise,
although Sidney did just e-mail me that
it is illegal to film someone in an
unflattering manner without their knowledge.
And that was definitely unflattering.
Oh, Dad!
Well, Sidney, he's my partner.
How am I supposed to help you if
I don't know what's going on?
Listen, I think you should call Judge Collins,
have him issue a takedown order.
Oh, here's his number.
Thank you, Dad.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
You showed the intern?
Everything here's confidential.
They're dentists.
That's right.
And they are super rich, Mom.
And they want to make a movie with
Jack and I.
That's fantastic.
I know.
I'd love to have you involved in some
way.
Me?
Of course.
It's been too long since you and I
have created art together.
When did you two ever make art together?
My painting.
Don't you remember I sat for that?
Oh, yes.
Great things are happening.
Sobriety has worked wonders with your life.
Excuse me, am I invisible?
Your beautiful, sober son just put me in
a porn video without my permission.
Oh, stop it.
There is nothing in that video that earns
it the title of porn, and you know
it.
You watched it?
You showed it to Mom.
You showed it to Dad.
To hell get it down!
Mom, why would you watch that?
I watch all of Bruce's films.
Besides, there is nothing wrong with a mother
seeing her son's penis in repose.
Had you gotten aroused, I would have stopped
watching.
Can we stop talking about this?
I am seeing a judge tomorrow, and all
of this is going to be behind us.
Stop being such a drama queen.
Mom, I'm on a website where people fuck
fruit.
It is not people.
It is one man, and it's very funny.
And don't talk with your mouth full.
Oh, my God.
Penis be poison.
When did he become such a prude?
Yeah, you know, I hate to say it,
but I think I agree with her on
this one.
I mean, what was the point of your
mother and I having sex with the door
open if we were raising a Puritan?
You know?
Dad.
Thank you, my darling.
May I be excused?
Oh, look who's finally being polite.
You know, sometimes I really miss the sound
of you guys making love.
Yeah, me too.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know who else to call.
What is going on?
I swear to God, if you fire one
more shot, I'll fucking kill you!
My fiancé.
My fiancé called him and told him everything.
I have no idea what he was thinking.
So, of course, my dad just totally flips
out, and he goes to grab his gun,
so I just locked him in there in
the shed.
And is this a normal reaction to a
situation like this?
He's freakishly protective of me in his own
weird way.
Jack!
Hey, buddy!
It's Bruce!
Get out of this!
I'm gonna open the door, but you have
to give me your gun.
No!
The thing is, Jack, it's really not cool
to shoot people anymore.
It's illegal.
Besides, I've got really good news.
What news?
I am opening the door.
Give me the gun.
What's the news?
I got us producers.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Why don't you just take drugs?
Just take drugs again.
Why would you say that?
Because you are just as bad.
You're worse, actually, when you're sober.
So, please, I am begging you to take
drugs, Jack.
First of all, I don't think you should
be calling me Jack.
I think you should call me Dad.
Hi.
You okay?
Are you okay?
Sorry if I'm giving you mixed messages.
I don't really think that it takes a
genius to figure out why I'm a little
bit...
confused.
I think we're all a little bit confused.
Thanks for being a good guy.
I'm really not.
No, you really are.
What do you mean the judge thinks we
should leave it up?
Well, apparently, these gossip websites bribe clerks to
alert them when people get down sex dates
in case there's a celebrity involved.
Anyway, Lassie is a celebrity's kid, and there's
only 48 hours left, so the judge thinks
it's just not worth the risk.
Okay, you know what?
Fuck.
Can I borrow one of Dad's ties?
I got my meeting with the producers, and
I want to look fancy.
Oh, of course you can.
Where are you going?
I'm doing what I should have done from
the very beginning.
I'm telling Lassie.
Why?
The judge can't get down the sex tape.
What?
No, wait.
I'm not asking your permission.
No, I told you, man.
She's never gonna see it.
I'm telling Lassie.
I'm going home.
Can you believe that pussy came from your
pussy?
What about Phil?
Maybe he can help.
Who's Phil?
Phil.
I love you, Mom.
His cellmate from prison.
The guy who eats rats?
Don't be so negative.
He hacked into a bank and got $20
million.
He's not just some guy that eats rats.
Hey, Phil, it's Bruce.
Long time, man.
I'm actually just calling because I need a
favour.
He's talking to his friend, the ex-con.
He eats rats.
Don't tell Mother I told you.
Yeah, so is it okay if I send
over my brother?
What?
I'm not going.
He's a computer whiz.
He can get the sex tape off the
Internet.
He's a rodent eating ex-con.
I don't know.
Hey, we're both coming.
Come in.
Hello?
Hello?
Phil?
Hi.
Um, is Phil here?
Hello, Bruce.
Phil?
It's Phyllis now.
Oh, my God, that's weird.
I'd like to introduce you to Frankie.
Oh, the brother.
Charmed.
Kiss your hair.
Oh.
Come in, boy.
Oh, I am clean as a whistle.
I'm impressed.
Well, thanks.
It's not nice to make a lady party
alone, especially when she's doing you a favour.
So, uh, Phil, you think maybe we could
get this movie down off the Internet?
It's Phyllis.
Yes, it is.
I get so horny when I smoke pot.
You too?
You know, I hope you don't take this
the wrong way, but I found your film
very healing.
I've had a lot of sadness lately.
A lot of new girls, too.
Grieving the lost Phyllis, it's normal.
It's so normal.
But I have to tell you, when I
saw what happened to you last night, good
Lord, I didn't miss my cock one bit.
Would you like to see it?
My Phyllis.
No, no, I asked if I could keep
it.
I keep it in a jar.
But, I mean, not all of it.
I mean, some of it I had to
use to reconstruct my vagina.
It's an amazingly interesting procedure.
You don't have to go into all of
that for us, Phyllis.
You'd be nice to your Auntie Phyllis, you
little shit.
No, no, Frank, you didn't.
Frank, you would love to hear all about
your penis operation.
It's just we're kind of in a hurry
to get the video down.
Why has no one asked to see that?
Your tits.
I'd fucking love to see your tits.
Not about you, Frankie.
Fancy a peek?
I will not help people who don't support
me.
What is your problem?
You hesitate.
When someone offers to show you their tits,
you don't hesitate.
You look.
Bruce, I don't even know this guy.
Why should I look at his tits?
Her!
Motherfucker!
I'm done helping you.
Bruce, I'm not going to be late for
my meeting to watch you abuse my lady
friends, Frank.
Bruce, I'm sorry.
Don't say it to me.
Phyllis?
It's me again.
When you look at me, or when you
think of me, don't scold me, but understand
I don't know everything.
You want a very good chance at fame.
I can't do everything.
Let's think I'm just a man when I
look at you.
Listen, I would really like to, but I'm
actually seeing someone right now, and I'm kind
of old-fashioned that way.
Please don't be mad.
She's a very lucky girl.
So, do you think you could with the
sex tape?
Well, since you couldn't get it up, I
may as well get it down.
Ah.
Here.
Let's see what we have here.
I really appreciate it, Phyllis.
You know, there is something you can help
me with.
Anything.
I have this date tonight, and I really,
really like this lady.
I think I might be a lesbian.
You don't have any problem with that, right?
No.
Well, I got waxed for the very first
time.
You know, down there.
At the end of the day, I went
with a Brazilian, and...
Oh, God, I hope I didn't make a
mistake.
I just want everything to be pretty.
Would you like...
Would you like me to take a look?
Oh.
Would you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Hmm.
Oh, Lord, again, we thank you so much
for Jack and for Bruce.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Good.
Thank you.
And we also wanted to talk to the
two of you about, um...
Sex.
Uh-huh.
Well, you see, my wife and I, we're
celibates.
Shut up.
We've taken a lifelong vow of chastity.
Oh, my God.
Oh, we don't expect you to live a
similar lifetime.
Oh, no.
Oh, dear, no, we can never win.
No, but we do feel very strongly about
our films being...
free.
Sex-free.
Yes.
You want a film with no sex in
it.
Correct.
Yes.
Lots of angels?
Yes.
Zero sex?
Is that gonna be a problem?
Maybe.
Fellas.
Now, look at us.
We're on a regular date like regular people.
It's nice.
It's a miracle.
When do I get to read your book?
Because I kind of want to.
I think probably never.
I'm pretty sure it sucks.
I'm pretty sure it sucks, too, but I
still want to read it.
I won't judge you.
Maybe the next one.
Excuse me.
Hey, it's you.
Love the video, dude.
Fucking hysterical.
Sorry, this happens all the time.
Seriously, seriously, it's the funniest thing I've ever
seen in my life.
You know, it got like a million hits
in three hours today.
Awesome, fuck off.
You know?
Thanks.
My God.
I do not know how to handle that
shit.
Eat my bra.
Eat my bra.
What did he say?
I don't know.
I don't think he was talking to us.
We could act out your masturbation fantasies.
Maybe that would get you hard.
Someone must have pirated a copy of the
original site before I showed it to him.
Like, I'll be a cheerleader and you be
the captain of the football team.
Maybe you just need some kind of encouragement.
You got it now, huh?
I'll do whatever you want.
We can dance.
I'll look at your penis.
Frank.
Get the jar just open.
I'll touch it.
Frank, Frank, Frank, I know how you feel.
You're embarrassed.
And you're ashamed.
And you want to die.
The exact same way I felt when the
guys on my high school team walked into
the locker room and I was dressed in
a cheerleader's uniform.
But it was at that moment I got
a glimpse for the first time of my
true me.
And that is what I want for you,
darling.
Let your humiliation set you free.
Come here, Satsuko, come here.
That's a very nice shampoo you're wearing.
Oh, no, he'll never work with me.
Jack, don't be silly.
He adores you.
Mom, he tried to shoot a guy who
cheated on his daughter.
I put her in a sex tape, which
is now being viewed by eight million people
since breakfast.
It's not a real sex tape.
It's just a funny little movie.
That's it.
What?
It's a movie.
I will just tell Jack that what I
shot in the clubhouse was a teaser for
a larger film.
What's the film?
I'll work that out.
It writes itself.
Hi.
Hey.
I'm so glad that you called.
My dad is at a meeting, but I
ordered us some dinner, so I hope you're
hungry.
Here.
Sit.
I actually have something to tell you.
It's kind of the reason why we're eating
Chinese food.
You're going to China?
The opposite.
I told him no.
It's just, it's kind of the worst time
for me to go.
I might have a tiny little bit to
do with you.
You all right?
Yeah.
Did you do these?
I was, like, really into knights when I
was a kid.
A strong, kind man dipped in metal?
Listen, it's actually a very normal fantasy for
a girl whose father has never been in
a relationship, ever.
You could connect the dots and see why,
perhaps, I was in need of some chivalry.
So, what did you want to tell me?
I'll tell you later.
Hey.
Thank you for the date yesterday.
It was really, really nice.
And normal.
Listen, Lassie, can I talk to you about
something?
I'm actually just running into a meeting right
now.
Can I give you a call back in
a little bit?
Oh, and your brother, he stopped by and
he took your car.
He said he needed to trade it for
a crane or something.
I don't know.
He said you'd understand.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
What's going on?
This is actually a really fucking big shit
to me.
I don't understand why you...
But everyone else has sex.
Why can't we?
Why can't I?
Everyone else has sex.
Why can't I?
Behold!
I am an angel sent by God to
make you pure.
Dad, I'm gonna need more wings.
What?
More wings.
Bruce.
Cut, cut.
Isn't this fucking amazing?
What is this?
I'm making a movie of that night.
What night?
The night in the clubhouse, bro.
Okay, everybody.
Places, we're going again.
No, actually, not places.
Could everyone just pack this stuff up and
go home?
I'm sorry.
Frankie, stop being such a girl.
Do not disrespect me in front of my
crew, okay?
I will slap you down.
I will fucking slap you down.
All I'm doing here is trying to make
everyone else happy.
The producers want an angel?
Jack won't do the movie unless Dharma's in
it?
Jack is in the movie?
Of course Jack's in the movie.
Jack's the money.
But he won't do it unless Dharma's in
it.
You can't fucking hang.
Stop fighting.
I'm doing all of this, bro, just to
make sure that you and Cassie don't get
embarrassed.
Bruce.
What?
Isn't Jack supposed to be in the scene?
Can everybody just stop talking to me, please?
Okay, we're going again.
Last time, rolling sound.
Bruce.
Action.
Don't listen to the angel.
Have sex.
Have sex now.
Angry.
Have it all the time.
Oh, fuck.
What are you doing here?
Telling you that you didn't know that he
filmed us that night.
I didn't.
I swear to God, I didn't.
Well, did you know that it was on
the Internet?
Cut!
Places, we're going again.
Oh, my God.
Action.
Why won't anyone have sex with me?
Wait, is that an angel?
I forbid the blood to enter your cock.
Rise, penis, rise!
Bruce, can you have it say phallus instead?
What is all of this?
Fill with blood.
Fill that member.
Bruce is making a movie so that we
won't have to be embarrassed.
What are you talking about?
Sex out of wedlock is wrong.
Get that member filled with pleasure.
Get it in that pussy.
I forbid the blood to enter your cock.
Phallus.
I forbid the blood to enter your phallus.
You big penis.
Can you say organ instead?
Motherfucker!
Come here!
Did you put my precious daughter in a
porno video?
You are fucking dead!
Do you hear me?
Oh, shit!
Time to die, motherfucker!
Bruce!
Bruce!
Fuck!
Okay, okay.
Somebody call an ambulance!
You shot me in my belly.
I know, bro.
I know.
I knew you loved me, bro.
You.
When you grabbed me and put me against
the wall, you didn't really hold me.
You want to go again, Jay?
Let's go!
He doesn't know anything.
He just thinks that he's playing the part
of the father who found out his daughter
is in a sex video.
It's fine.
You're such a fucking arsehole!
What?
What?
What the matter with you?
I just want an option in case we
decide to go dark in the end, bro.
Lassie, I'm sorry.
Leave me alone.
Lassie.
Leave me alone!
But it looked that realistic?
Hello?
Mom, stop fucking calling.
It's not your mother.
Unfortunately, I can't bear children.
Whatever.
I saw Bruce's movie along with, oh, I
don't know, a few million other people.
And what the fuck was he thinking, not
letting me play the angel?
That woman was absolute dog shit.
So you still talk to that girl?
Is she still mad at you?
She won't take my calls.
She doesn't respond to any of my emails.
Yeah, I heard through the grapevine that she's
going away.
Poor thing.
Where?
China.
You think you're embarrassed?
Try having half the planet watch some guy
not be able to fuck you all night.
That's embarrassing, my friend.
Anyway, I thought you should know she's going
away.
Just in case one of the people on
this phone call wanted to start acting like
a man, darling.
Let your auntie Phyllis give you a piece
of advice, Frankie baby.
I don't give a shit how many people
saw what happened in that clubhouse that night.
And I don't care what they thought about
it.
They weren't there.
They were just watching.
If you really fell in love with that
girl that night, then what the fuck are
you still doing in the desert?
Hey, bro.
Listen, I know we haven't talked since the
whole angel debacle, and I just wanted to
say I'm really sorry.
After you left, I got to thinking maybe
I'm incapable of change.
But look, no camera.
Well, I'm impressed.
Right?
You proud of me?
What time's our flight?
7 p.m. We better hit the road
before we lose the light.
Hey, Bruce, can you help me with something
in here?
Sure.
You can be the strong guy.
Yeah.
You're not filming this, Bruce!
What?
Plenty of food and water in there.
There's even a mirror in case you want
to jerk off.
TV gets channel 6.
I swear I'm not a pig that I'm
not going to film you!
I'm going to give you a headshot!
Take two!
A master from far away!
Bro, I just want to give you a
happy ending!
Hunt!
I love you!
So long, so long.
Never wait so long.
Here comes your man.
Hey!
People coming!
Here comes your man.
Here comes your man.
Here comes your...
I am a strong, kind man dipped in
metal.
Dipped in metal.
And I have come to take you away
from all of this.
And to protect you.
And to defend you.
And to apologise for sucking at it so
far.
Lassie, I know all about embarrassment.
18 million people saw me throw up on
my fiance.
Then 35 million people saw my dick not
work.
I'm standing in front of you wearing a
car.
Don't go.
It won't help.
I really appreciate all this effort.
I just...
I can't live here anymore.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
Come.
Come and visit me.
I could probably use a night.
I might have a little trouble with the
metal detector.
We had
sex with a knight before.
I'm gonna fuck you in the round table,
bitch.
Feel real to me.
Inside of Memphis all the buildings look big
And the white picket fences all dare To
charge around the lawn and hold their heads
up high When the headlights find the mouth
I'll be the first to put their hands
in the air With my radio on Oh,
singing a country song, soft and low And
on the edge of the city limit line
This is where the boundary finally ends And
I swear that we're the last living souls
In a populated ghost town All the billboards
are our best friends Oh, which way did
our last chance go And can we get
out if we go right now Cause it
seems that with the malls And the megachurch
stadiums We would get out if we knew
just how With the radio on Oh, singing
a country song, soft and low Standing
in line to have mercy on this boy
Did it all by the book He still
kind of has his doubts Yeah, you look
pretty good in that John Quill dress But
your smile is a wooden nickel spry And
I know that it ain't worth much It
feels good to touch And I think that
I could dance if I tried With your
radio on Oh, singing a country song, soft
and low Near the
ghost of Patsy Cline On the Grand Ole
Opry
Your brother, your damn brother.
Mom, I can't talk.
Uh oh, you sound tense.
I'm not tense, I'm writing.
Can I call you back?
No, no, no, it'll only take a second.
What are you writing?
What do you think I'm writing, Mom?
Writing books you never finish is masturbation, Frank.
And I mean that with love, so don't
take it as an insult.
Anyway, there's a party on Friday for your
brother, and he wants you to come.
Mom, I don't see Bruce.
I don't talk to Bruce.
You know it, he knows it.
It's been three years now, get over it.
Mom, I'm hanging up, I'll call you back.
He's on drugs.
He wanted it to be a surprise.
I know you two have your stuff, and
his counsellor said everyone has to go through
this on their own time.
But if you can come to his graduation
thing, I think you should.
Mom, I just don't think it's a good
idea.
I'm really into this book, and I just
started a garden.
It looks amazing.
Tell Bruce I'm proud of him.
No, you know what, I'll tell him myself.
I'll write him a letter.
Oh my God, would you really do that?
And when he finds out you're not coming,
and he overdoses in a crack house, we
can read it at his funeral.
I don't need no complications.
I don't need no jogging around.
Let's get chasing.
You just set me up, and I'll take
it down.
Yeah.
I ain't got nowhere to be, mama.
Put on that music something low.
And I will rock you slow and easy.
Lots of love.
There you are.
Bruce called.
All the other families are there.
I don't want to be late.
Chris, he's here.
Hi, Mom.
Come on.
The high was implied.
A lot of pictures of Bruce.
Bonnie Hubbard's son raped a girl when he
got out of rehab.
We want Bruce to feel loved.
Sure.
Chris!
I'm here.
Stop yelling.
Why are you wearing the burgundy when I
suggested the blue?
What?
You said red.
Tell your son it's time for him to
move back home.
What?
My people are Jewish.
Moses led us out of the desert.
It is disrespectful to go back.
Would you please stop picking on him?
If what happened to him at his wedding
happened to you at your wedding, you'd want
to hide in a desert, too.
Oh, so now he's guilty.
Is that what you're saying?
Guilty?
Who said anything about him being guilty?
You did, and you said it in your
own words.
And look at that.
That is not a Bruce sweater.
That's a Grace sweater.
Well, I have to use your car.
What's wrong with yours?
We don't have cars right now.
Bruce stole them for drugs.
We said we wouldn't tell him.
We said we wouldn't tell him.
I'm sorry.
Bruce stole your cars and sold them for
drugs?
Why are you so hard on your brother?
Drug addiction is a disease.
Would you be mad at somebody because they
got cancer?
If they stole my fucking car, I would.
Just don't mention it tonight.
Besides, the mopeds are fine.
They're all we could afford.
Apparently, the insurance company doesn't consider it theft
if it's family.
Hi.
My name is Bruce, and I am an
addict and an alcoholic.
Hi.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Today's a big day for me.
I've just come out of rehab.
And today, I am 90 days sober.
My disease had left me in a drug
-induced sleep.
It was rough.
But even then, I had a dream.
Just like this guy.
Just like old Marty King.
I had a dream.
My slavery was not picking cotton or eating
gumbo or whatever.
But it was gin.
And it was cocaine.
And I have been released.
Today, I would like to thank Mom and
Dad and Frank.
This is for you.
Thank you.
There they are.
Aww.
You look so great today.
There's my leading man.
Say something, Frankie.
Would you not do that, please?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I've been waiting three months to get this
puppy back in my hands.
Bruce put his directing career on hold while
he was getting better.
They don't allow cameras in rehab.
Is that really Jack?
Oh, yeah.
I never told you.
Jack!
Jack, come over and meet my family.
Hold a few seconds.
We might be doing a picture together.
With you directing?
Oh, did you hear that?
Oh, my God.
When did you become a director, Bruce?
Dude, I've been directing my whole life.
Don't you remember all those funny movies you
used to make when you were boys?
He tortured him.
Bruce tortured him on film.
That's not true.
It's good to see you.
I haven't seen you since the wedding.
Right?
Yeah.
You're not so mad about that, are you?
Let's just forget about it, Bruce.
Right.
You don't want to talk about it?
Not really.
It's just that I kind of wanted to
talk about it.
Can we just...
Do you think it would be okay just
to keep this about now?
That's not a problem.
Jack, no.
Isn't he an actor with all those guns?
Didn't he shoot somebody or something?
Hey!
Bruce, your old man's fucking gossiping about me,
man.
Oh, God.
Oh, man.
I'm just kidding.
I'm Jack.
Love you people.
I just raised him.
Didn't really hurt him.
Listen, your son, this man here, saved my
life.
If it hadn't been for him, I would
have just ripped my skull right from above
my eyes.
Just ripped it off and taken my brains
and smashed them out.
This man is a saint.
Those are sweet words.
Thank you, Jack.
Bruce, are these your parents?
Oh, yes.
You must be so proud of them.
Dharma, this is my family.
Are you in show business?
Mom, this is Dharma Deacup.
She's been in like a billion porn movies.
Really?
Yeah, but I'm done with all that.
I'm going to try and get into real
acting.
I'm sure you'll be great.
Thanks.
You're a terrific actor.
What?
You, you.
The way you played that comedy.
It's so rare, so special.
You're a great actor.
Thank you.
What is he talking about?
The short!
The short, man.
Super.
What short?
My short.
The short that I shot at UCLA Film
School, bro.
Remember?
How about the wedding?
Right.
You showed them my wedding video?
You know what?
It's not actually called my wedding video anymore.
It's called the wedding video for copyright reasons.
Frank.
Frank.
Frank, what?
They didn't know it was real.
They thought that you were an actor.
Come on, it's not like a million people
haven't seen it already.
It wasn't a million people, Bruce.
It was 18 million people.
Okay, I shouldn't have shown it to Jack
without asking you first.
Oh, you think?
And I shouldn't have put it on the
internet.
That was a mistake.
Okay, Frank, I'm sorry.
Did you just say you were sorry?
I shouldn't have put your wedding tape on
the internet.
I regret it.
It was a long time ago.
I've been a shitty brother.
But I'm a different person now.
I'm sober.
And I would like us to start again.
All right, fine.
I'm gonna cook you breakfast before you go
tomorrow.
It's tomorrow.
I love you, Frank!
Hey, hey, hey, watch it!
Oh, fuck!
Ow!
Ow!
Why aren't you in a car?
What?
This is L.A. Nobody walks here.
Take a little bit of advice.
You learn the lay of the land.
Let me give you some advice.
There's a rehab back there.
Are you trying to say I'm an alcoholic?
Because that is ridiculous.
Alcoholics don't even ride bicycles, buddy.
They drive in cars.
So you are that.
You are an alcoholic.
Lady, are you okay?
Fuck.
Oh, fuck!
Where am I?
In a parking lot.
Why am I in a parking lot?
You passed out.
So you stayed with me?
Yeah.
Okay, tell me where you live and I'll
take you home.
I don't know where I live anymore.
I went home today.
And my fiancé, I dressed like this to
surprise him.
And then I get home and he was
there.
And he was playing tag.
Tag?
Make it tag.
With the guy who cleans the pool.
The pool boy, I guess.
And he's like, Babe, what do you mean
you haven't heard of make it tag before?
You haven't heard of it?
I'm like, no, I haven't heard of it.
Because it's not even a game.
And I'm not an idiot.
So stop saying that it's a game.
He's like, babe, I have an erection.
But it's only because I'm super competitive.
And I'm like, who is competitive at tag?
Have you even ever heard of anybody that's
competitive at tag?
No, because it's a game that you play
with your friends.
It's a friendly game.
It's usually pretty friendly.
He gets me drunk and then he sits
me down and he just tells me everything.
I'm sorry.
God, I have no idea why I'm laying
all of this on you.
I don't even know you.
I'm really sorry.
No, it's okay.
Really.
I'm sorry.
Um.
I don't know what your plans are, but
do you maybe want to, like, go somewhere?
Yeah, you know, let's go somewhere.
Sure.
Okay.
Great.
Would you mind putting your seatbelt on?
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter if I live or die.
Okay.
The parrots are sleeping there.
There's a place in the back.
Shit, that's
actually my brother's stuff.
I made this when I was a kid.
Cool.
So you don't live here?
No, no.
I actually live in Death Valley.
What do you do in Death Valley?
I've just been kind of camping out and
trying to write this novel, which is...
Okay.
Is that all right?
Um, yeah, sure.
So what do you write about?
Um, revenge, mostly.
Wait, what is your name?
Frank.
Frank, I'm Lassie.
Hi.
Hi.
So, Frank, I was just wondering if perhaps
you could just want me tonight.
You can do, honestly, like, whatever you want.
Like, really pretty much anything.
Okay, Lassie.
Uh-huh.
Could we maybe kiss first?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're not hard.
What's wrong?
Am I doing something wrong?
No, we just started.
Right, but, I mean...
Actually, Lassie, you're kind of squeezy.
I am.
Sorry.
Is that better?
Uh, I mean, you're still squeezing.
Really?
Fuck.
Okay, how about there?
Um, that's a little better.
Yeah?
Oh, my God, you can eat my bra.
Like, I'm not just saying that.
It's edible.
I got it at a sex shop.
It's not toxic.
It's a turn-on.
I think I'm okay for now.
Um, maybe later?
I'll just, I'll keep it on, so, yeah.
But you're gonna, like, you will eventually get
hard tonight.
Right?
I'm just, it's, I'm just asking.
Like, you will, it'll happen.
It's never been a problem before.
I think we'll be fine.
Great.
I'm sorry that I'm crying.
It's stupid.
You must feel like enough of a failure.
Which you shouldn't.
Lots of guys can't get erections sometimes.
God damn it.
Like, I just don't understand why I'm taking
care of you.
Because you know what?
This is actually a really fucking horrible time
for this to be happening to me.
I just don't, I don't understand it.
I don't understand why nobody will fuck me.
But you're parents, right?
I'm sorry.
Fuck.
I should just go.
So, I'll, I'll go.
You don't have to go.
Really, you don't have to go.
I literally never talk about this.
I found out my fiance was cheating at
our wedding.
Really?
We were only getting married because she was
pregnant.
Turns out it wasn't my kid.
Wow.
My best man.
No way.
What'd you do?
I hit her in the face.
Sorry.
That wasn't really a hit.
It was more like a slap.
And then I pulled her hair a little.
And then I got an upset stomach.
And I, I threw up on her.
It was fucking terrible.
I knew.
I knew that I knew you from somewhere.
I saw that video.
I saw your wedding video.
Yeah.
On the internet.
A lot of people did.
Why did you put that on the internet?
I didn't.
My brother did.
So weird.
My friends used to watch that video all
the time.
I thought it was like the funniest shit
ever.
Yeah.
I never did, though.
I thought that it was just sad.
Like watching someone get their heart stepped on
right in front of you.
Or something.
You're like the only person who ever saw
that.
You still hate her?
The girl?
No.
Yeah.
She sounds exactly like Peter.
Just a lying, cheating, poor bitch.
My God.
Go on.
No, I just think that that's really selfish
and cruel and evil.
And whore-like.
Okay, one more time.
Slow.
Oh, okay.
Um, okay.
She was, uh, what was her name?
Sandra.
Sandra is a fucking...
horrible...
cunt-faced...
bitch.
She fucked you up.
She fucked you up and she sent you
to Death Valley.
Holy shit!
Okay, now, stop talking.
I can't believe it!
Stop talking.
I can't believe it.
Morning, mom.
Morning, horndog.
I saw your lady friend leaving.
Oh, hey, bro.
Hey, sorry, I didn't know you had company.
Oh, no, that's okay.
You remember Claudia, right?
My editor?
Oh, we weren't...
we're just friends.
I mean, she'll come over and let me
eat her out sometimes, but it's not serious.
Hi, Frank.
Oh, wait, bro, bro.
I wanted to talk to you.
Um, I wanted you to know that I
filmed you and that chick last night, and
I am glad that I did.
When she hit you with her bike...
It was awesome.
It was bang!
Fucking love happened.
Italian vibe.
Let's see what happens next.
Like very early Cassavetes.
But I heard you loud and clear last
night when you talked about wanting to be
in the loop and all that shit, and
here's the deal.
I dropped a copy of what I filmed
off at Jack's.
Good for you, baby.
I get it back.
You asked me to be honest, and now
I'm just being honest.
It's pathetic, Bruce.
Oh, shit!
Let me handle this.
Go ahead.
Bro, I'm sorry.
Okay.
I didn't film you two having the sex,
if that's what you're worried about.
I mean, I watched it, but I didn't
film it.
Okay.
Bruce, you're going to give me the address,
and I'm going to go pick up whatever
it is you gave him.
Why are you being like this?
We just had a beautiful moment.
We had another beautiful moment.
Give me the fucking address!
Boys, stop fighting!
I finally get my life in order.
I finally find someone in the business who
believes in me, and I ask my baby
brother for one little favour to help me
achieve my dream.
And will he help?
How is Jack Knoll seeing a movie of
a drunken woman hitting me with a bike?
How can you get your dream, Bruce?
Stop fighting!
Because it's funny, man!
It's fucking funny!
Not as funny as the stuff in the
clubhouse.
What did you say?
Nothing.
Well, you just swore to me that you
didn't film me in the clubhouse.
No, I did not.
I swore that I didn't film you having
sex, and that was true.
But we had sex in the clubhouse!
We had sex almost immediately in the clubhouse.
I mean, that's what we did in the
clubhouse.
It depends how you define sex.
You know, personally, I think that sex involves
one of the people having an erection.
Yeah, that's usually the case.
Will you shut up?
I'm just saying, it took quite a while
for that to occur.
But when you finally, finally did achieve that
erection, and good for you, bro, but when
you did, I cut, because as far as
I'm concerned, sex is a private thing, a
sacred thing between two people, even if it
takes a while.
Bruce, Bruce, listen to my rationale.
How many movies have sex in them?
All of them.
How many movies have impotence?
None of them.
Impotence makes us pop.
Am I wrong?
Wow, wow, wow.
You just hate that I'm making something of
my life, don't you?
You just hate the fact that I'm a
director now.
No, I don't.
You know why?
Because you're not a director!
You're a fucking pervert and a freak!
Well, listen to this.
Action!
Cut!
Action!
Cut!
Fuck!
Action!
Thanks, directing, my friend.
Come on, man.
Let him watch it once.
Did it even occur to you there's another
person in your stupid film?
I mean, did you even think about that?
Mr. Knoll?
Jack?
Jack?
Jack?
Hello?
Jack, you boy.
Hey, man.
Hey!
Almost done.
What's up?
You look amazing.
Where's all your stuff, bro?
Question agency.
They said they're coming for my treadmill this
morning.
Let him try.
Let him try!
He's got a gun.
That's a gun.
That's a gun.
Mr. Knoll, call me Jack, son.
How's my form?
Pretty good.
So, my brother dropped off a DVD?
DVD?
Haven't seen it yet.
I thought you said you were going to
watch it before your agent came over.
Agent dropped me a surprise.
What?
He said no one would hire me.
Fuck him.
I should have fired him years ago.
Now we have grandpa roles now.
Come here.
Look at this.
Come here.
Hit my ass.
Frank, hit it.
Really hit it.
Hit my ass.
I'm not hitting his ass.
Punch his fucking ass.
Come on!
Hit it hard!
Yeah!
Damn right.
Does that feel like a grandpa ass to
you?
Not at all.
That ass is harder than a dick on
viagra.
No, I got an agent who says take
the grandpa roles.
They die at the end.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to cry.
I want to fuck!
Fuck off.
Bruce, we got to do movies where there's
lots of fucking.
Don't worry.
I can see it in your eyes.
I'm fine.
Watch this, motherfuckers.
Where's my diction, Bruce?
Way back there, Jack.
Can you see it, Bruce?
Fucking way over there.
Fuck you, addiction.
You cannot catch me.
I win.
I win.
You win.
I win!
Come on.
We've got to move.
Action!
Hey, watch it!
Make him turn it off.
I can't.
He's enjoying it.
Frank, you've got to tell him.
Why is he telling him?
Doesn't the camera work good?
Oh!
Frank?
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, shit!
Get out!
What the fuck was that?
You didn't see that spark?
What?
What are you doing here?
That'll dry right out.
What are you doing here?
Frank.
You know my daughter?
She's your daughter?
Dad, could you maybe put some clothes on?
Maybe?
This is your dad?
Yeah.
Oh!
Hi.
How do you know my lassie?
Rehab.
From rehab.
Last night.
I was late.
I was on my way to see you.
Yep.
Exactly.
And I ran into him.
Exactly.
How do you know my father?
My brother was his roommate.
Hey!
In rehab.
Yeah.
The brother?
Yep.
That one.
I'm going to finish my workout.
Okay.
And let's all have a good breakfast.
What a coincidence.
He's an amazing man, your father.
Oh, Jack, don't forget the treadmill's on!
Oh, shit!
I fell.
What is wrong with them?
Quick place, Frankie.
They don't want to be filmed.
They shouldn't come here.
Where are you going?
Where are you taking me?
I'm going home.
Where are you going?
Dad?
What's wrong?
He wants drugs.
Jack.
Come here, please.
Please listen to me, man.
Look, I am in deep pain, man.
Now, the doctor said I needed some painkillers.
No, the doctor said Advil is fine.
He told me Oxycontin.
He did not say Oxycontin.
He did not say Oxycontin.
You do not need it.
He said Oxycontin.
Jack, give me the door.
Okay, Jack, listen to me.
Drugs are not your friend.
I am your friend.
And what I'm going to do as your
friend, I'm going to take you to a
meeting.
Can I get your car keys?
I'm going to take you to a meeting.
Shit.
I'm going to take you to a meeting.
Make sure you get that DVD.
Well, it's nice to see you again.
Yeah, you really don't have to say that
to me.
What are you talking about?
I mean, I know you weren't going to
call me, which is actually totally fine, so.
I already did.
Twice.
Check your phone.
I don't believe it.
Look, Frank, I don't do what we did
last night.
Okay?
And I know that lots of girls say
that, but, like, I really never, ever, ever
do that stuff.
And...
Okay.
And now it turns out that you know
my father, who I want to kill.
And anytime I get sucked back into his
whole crazy world, it ends very, very badly.
So...
Lassie, I actually don't know your dad, but
I do know what it's like to want
to kill a relative.
But, hey, look.
I'm not trying to suck you into anything.
I would just really love to go out
on, like, a regular date with you.
You know?
We could see a movie.
Maybe get something to eat that isn't part
of your underwear.
Yeah.
Hi, everyone.
My name is Jack.
I'm an alcohol and a drug addict.
Hi, Jack.
Hi, Jack.
Drugs and alcohol cost me my career as
a movie star.
I only say that in case any of
you doubt that this disease can take away
the things that you love the most.
That's what happened to me.
Just one more thing.
If any of you ladies wanted to have
sex with me back when I was a
somebody and didn't get a chance, meet me
out back.
I also have a pool.
Bruce?
Yeah?
Hi, my name is David.
Hi.
This is my wife, Natalie.
Hello.
We related to everything you said in the
meeting.
Aw.
We wanted to be in the movie business
our whole lives.
And from when we got sober, we swore
we would finally do what we were supposed
to do.
And that's why we started our company.
Los Angeles Pictures.
Los Angeles.
Angels.
Did you know that angels are everywhere?
I did not know that, David.
Here's one standing next to you.
Don't be afraid.
That's Sonia.
She follows us.
Did you come with Jack and all?
Are you friends?
Jack?
Yeah, big time.
Good friend.
No, hit it, hit it, hit it.
Do you think that you and Jack would
be interested in making movies with us about
angels?
Thanks to dentistry, we have plenty of money.
Oh, you guys are like Christian tooth fairies.
That's amazing.
We're ready to go.
We're just looking for like-minded artists to
join us.
You know what's weird?
Jack only yesterday was talking about how much
he loves angels.
Oh my God.
It's a miracle.
It's a miracle.
So how much money do you guys have?
We have a lot.
Shall we pray?
Let's.
Let's pray.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Sonia?
Oh, fuck!
Hey, bro.
Where you been?
Well, Jack and I went to a meeting,
after which I was approached by some very
serious film producers.
I need my keys.
I'm late to my last scene.
Okay, have a good time.
You got the DVD, right?
Weren't you supposed to get the DVD?
How'd you know I was not home?
He's saved for another meeting.
So where are you going to take the
last scene?
Just get the DVD out of the plane
and stop talking.
What do you mean?
It's fucking gone.
It's fine.
Where you going?
I'm going to get it.
What if he has an alarm?
You think he has an alarm?
He has no furniture.
But you think he's going to pay for
an alarm?
Use your head, Frankie.
I'm sorry.
I'm not a goddamn criminal.
Yeah, well, it's just as well, because you'd
be a terrible one.
Just...
Fuck, Bruce, the guy has guns.
I know he has guns.
And he will use them on us if
he ever watches that video.
So you're going to help me get it
back, or are you going to stand out
here all night and whine like a little
bitch?
Oh, I'm a bitch?
I'm a bitch?
Then how come you're the one always sucking
Jack Mill's balls?
Hit my brain.
Shit.
The pig is in the pool.
The pig is in the pool?
Fuck.
He's fine.
He's swimming.
What are you talking about?
Pigs can't swim?
Jack shouldn't have kept a pig by the
pool.
It's irresponsible.
It's not our fault.
I'm not leaving him in there.
Fine.
You go get him.
You get him.
I'm going on a date after this.
I can't swim.
What?
I can't swim.
Frankie, I never have.
I don't like water.
I can't even drink this stuff.
Fuck.
I think he's dead.
I think he's dead.
Heimlich him.
Heimlich him?
Do it.
Heimlich him.
Squeeze his little belly.
Is that a condom?
Yeah, that's definitely a condom.
Get it off.
Who the fuck is out here?
Jack.
Jack.
It's Bruce.
Don't shoot.
Don't shoot.
What are you doing here?
I was worried about you.
Hey, Dharma Deacott.
And I thought it would be good if
I could be here when you got home.
And it's a good thing that we were
because your pig fell in the pool, man.
He's all right?
He's fine.
We saved him.
Listen, all, since we're already here, would you
like us to get the DVD player fixed?
That's a good idea, Frankie.
Don't worry about it.
The housekeeper took it home with her.
Her husband fixes it.
Hey, guys.
We're looking for Ramon and Celia.
They're just there for now, bro.
Right.
Do you know where they went?
None of your business.
You're done now.
What's up, homes?
Listen, Celia, the Chiquita who lives here, she
works for a guy called Jack Knoll.
You know Jack Knoll?
He's a big TV actor.
You don't have a DVD.
That's okay.
Jack's a really good amigo of mine, and
he sent me over to just grab something
from...
They just left.
If you want to come back a little
later...
Maybe we'll just have a quick look inside.
Maybe I'll just break your fucking legs if
you take another step.
You're going to do it?
Whoa, guys.
Okay, you're lucky you're standing up.
Sorry to disturb you, Bruce.
Just get the fuck out of here.
See that?
I can see it.
It's just here.
You have to do it.
I swore on my sobriety that I wouldn't
steal anymore, Frank.
And besides, breaking and entering a stranger's home
is definitely a felony.
And I've already got two strikes.
If you think you're going to manipulate me...
Fine.
I'll go.
I'll do it.
It's fine.
Bruce, neither of us should do it.
But, Frank, if I get caught and go
down for 30 years, will you do me
a favour?
Promise you won't put Mom in a nursing
home.
All right, wait.
Wait.
Stop pushing.
Okay.
Okay.
Who's there?
Who's there?
I know you're there.
Thief!
Thief!
You smell like a pig, arsehole!
Stop it, man!
You smell like a pig!
Stop it!
Stop it, I tell you!
I have you!
Come on!
What are you doing?
He's attacking me!
Take him off!
He's really strong!
Frank!
Frank!
Stab him!
What?
Take your knife and stab him!
I'm fucking stabbing him, Bruce!
He's a million years old!
It doesn't matter!
Okay, just bring him over here.
I'll stab him!
Fucking baby!
Paulito!
Do it!
Do it!
Do it!
Paulito!
Where are you?
Fuck!
Bruce!
Shut the fuck up!
It really took you 14 hours to get
me out?
When Bruce gets arrested, we always let him
spend the night.
Your mother and I decided we shouldn't play
favourites.
Bruce is a fucking criminal!
Ex-criminal.
And you are scarcely in any position to
judge.
Here.
Stop the car!
God damn it!
Hello?
I am so sorry about last night.
Don't even worry about it.
Bruce called me.
He told me all about your father's scare.
Are they sure that it's not a heart
attack?
Yeah, he's...
They said he's fine.
Good.
So, uh...
You wanna get together later?
Right.
Well...
Frank, I just...
I don't think that I have the time.
Right.
Okay.
The relief organisation that I work for, they
just offered me this position in China that
I'm thinking about taking, so, you know, it's
just kinda crazy right now.
But if I'm ever in Death Valley, then,
you know, I'll absolutely give you a call.
Okay.
Okay.
Have a safe trip.
Ow!
Fuck, ow!
Hey, bro!
I got it.
It's all broken up.
I also got all the tape.
That's for you as well.
And don't worry, Jack's maid isn't gonna press
charges.
Are you okay, bro?
Did someone touch you in prison?
Have my car keys?
Look at me and tell me you didn't.
I don't have any more copies.
Okay.
I swear on my sobriety that I don't
have any more copies.
And I'll swear that no one else has
any.
Okay.
Since your impotence is apparently so embarrassing to
you, I had Claudia completely re-edit my
movie.
Which means, technically, I don't even have to
show it to you.
Because as you will soon see, this movie
no longer has anything to do with you.
But I'm happy for you to see it
because you're my brother and I love you.
Claudia, play it for him.
Well, what you're about to see, in my
opinion, is a serious step back from the
integrity of Bruce's original work.
Would you just press play, please?
Okay, will you just stop yelling at me,
please?
I'm just playing it.
You're being rude.
Just play it.
What's wrong?
What?
What's wrong?
What?
You're in a heart.
What's wrong?
Am I doing something wrong?
No, no, no.
We just started.
Um...
I'm sorry.
Yeah?
You're kind of squeezing.
I originally planned to put Frost's face on
the genitals, but it's actually a lot funnier
with genitals, especially since you were having so
much trouble with your genitals.
I'm sorry, who the fuck are you?
This is Arthur.
Arthur, this is Frank.
Arthur's a big wig in the whole fuzz
face game.
And what exactly did you plan to do
with this?
It's gonna be submitted to a sex tape
site in the rally.
It's a do-it-yourself fornication and lighting
emporium called choose-a-lamp-and-go-fuck
-each-other.com.
Please get hard!
Please get hard!
Please get hard!
Please get hard!
No!
Oh, shit!
Frank, you ungrateful little bitch!
We did this so you wouldn't have to
be embarrassed.
Ah!
Oh!
Ah!
Hey, idiots, I uploaded it without the fuzz
face.
Now your film is gonna be seen the
way it was meant to be seen.
What?
Are you into lesbians?
That's a thing with guys, right?
The girl is Jack Noel's daughter!
Great art hurts, Bruce.
Mmm, boobs.
All of your boobs.
Do not honk, my horse.
Can you go around him?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Look, who's suddenly nervous about someone seeing the
movie?
Yes, I'm nervous about being killed.
As soon as he sees that video, you
don't think he's gonna kill you, too?
I am nervous about being actually shot, not
about the possibility of maybe somebody on the
Internet seeing my embarrassing wiener.
Open hand!
Open hand!
Hey.
Excuse me.
Kip, Kip, it's him.
It's him.
Oh!
Ah, your video was dope, dawg.
I'm the director.
The most original sex tape ever made.
Shut your mouth.
Kip, would you like it back?
I mean, a sex tape with no sex,
that is just like...
Genius, genius.
Yeah, it was great.
I think this was actually sent to you
by mistake, so we're really gonna need you
to destroy it.
I can't do that.
Once it goes up, it's up for 72
hours.
Wait, wait, wait.
You're saying it's on the Internet now?
Come check it out.
You got some great feedback, dawg.
Come on, man, take a look.
Dad!
God, I'm overwhelming, man.
Come on.
Is that all for me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's the deal.
Either take it down right now or...
Is five boners good?
Five boners is great.
That's five out of five.
Five out of five boners.
And they're real stingy with boners.
Yeah, they don't even give out boners for
anybody.
Dad, we have customers!
Hey, pal, pal.
You wanna negotiate?
No, I don't.
They call me Alfred Bitchcock.
That's hilarious.
I don't know what that means, though.
You want a car?
I don't want a car.
I got a 1900 Honda right outside.
I have a DUI and I drive a
Vespa.
Kinky in Kuala Lumpur thinks that I'm a
visionary.
If other men are on our site and
they see a guy like you having trouble
getting an erection, keeping an erection, forming an
erection, I think that they'll feel a lot
better about themselves.
I don't wanna be too forward, but would
you like to get some coffee or something
later?
Any time.
Oh, that'd be great.
Like, oh, wait, did you mean romantically?
Most certainly romantically.
Bruce, can we leave, please?
Sure.
All right, hey, send us more stuff.
Seriously, guys, you cannot fucking mess with people's
lives like this.
I really appreciate your support.
You will take this down or you will
face the fucking consequence.
I will call you back.
Do you think I didn't just see that?
You heard the guy.
They've only got, like, 15,000 subscribers tops,
mostly in Asia, and he's gonna take it
down in 72 hours?
I'm not waiting 72 hours!
Why are you so embarrassed about your impotency?
I don't have impotency!
I had a brief one-time-only episode.
It happens to everyone.
I was impotent last night.
I know, I was.
I mean, I had just watched your video,
so it was probably some kind of paternal
sympathy softy, but even so, Claudia had to
put three fingers on my ass last night
to get me hard.
I understand your pain.
Family.
Hey, David!
No, this is a good time.
I've just come from church.
Oh, hot.
My jaw hurts.
I'm sorry.
Mother of God.
Okay, Dad, that's enough.
Well, that was excruciating.
Just tell me you can get it down.
This is outside of our area of expertise,
although Sidney did just e-mail me that
it is illegal to film someone in an
unflattering manner without their knowledge.
And that was definitely unflattering.
Oh, Dad!
Well, Sidney, he's my partner.
How am I supposed to help you if
I don't know what's going on?
Listen, I think you should call Judge Collins,
have him issue a takedown order.
Oh, here's his number.
Thank you, Dad.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me!
You showed the intern?
Everything here's confidential.
They're dentists.
That's right.
And they are super rich, Mom.
And they want to make a movie with
Jack and I.
That's fantastic.
I know.
I'd love to have you involved in some
way.
Me?
Of course.
It's been too long since you and I
have created art together.
When did you two ever make art together?
My painting.
Don't you remember I sat for that?
Oh, yes.
Great things are happening.
Sobriety has worked wonders with your life.
Excuse me, am I invisible?
Your beautiful, sober son just put me in
a porn video without my permission.
Oh, stop it.
There is nothing in that video that earns
it the title of porn, and you know
it.
You watched it?
You showed it to Mom.
You showed it to Dad.
To hell get it down!
Mom, why would you watch that?
I watch all of Bruce's films.
Besides, there is nothing wrong with a mother
seeing her son's penis in repose.
Had you gotten aroused, I would have stopped
watching.
Can we stop talking about this?
I am seeing a judge tomorrow, and all
of this is going to be behind us.
Stop being such a drama queen.
Mom, I'm on a website where people fuck
fruit.
It is not people.
It is one man, and it's very funny.
And don't talk with your mouth full.
Oh, my God.
Penis be poison.
When did he become such a prude?
Yeah, you know, I hate to say it,
but I think I agree with her on
this one.
I mean, what was the point of your
mother and I having sex with the door
open if we were raising a Puritan?
You know?
Dad.
Thank you, my darling.
May I be excused?
Oh, look who's finally being polite.
You know, sometimes I really miss the sound
of you guys making love.
Yeah, me too.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know who else to call.
What is going on?
I swear to God, if you fire one
more shot, I'll fucking kill you!
My fiancé.
My fiancé called him and told him everything.
I have no idea what he was thinking.
So, of course, my dad just totally flips
out, and he goes to grab his gun,
so I just locked him in there in
the shed.
And is this a normal reaction to a
situation like this?
He's freakishly protective of me in his own
weird way.
Jack!
Hey, buddy!
It's Bruce!
Get out of this!
I'm gonna open the door, but you have
to give me your gun.
No!
The thing is, Jack, it's really not cool
to shoot people anymore.
It's illegal.
Besides, I've got really good news.
What news?
I am opening the door.
Give me the gun.
What's the news?
I got us producers.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Why don't you just take drugs?
Just take drugs again.
Why would you say that?
Because you are just as bad.
You're worse, actually, when you're sober.
So, please, I am begging you to take
drugs, Jack.
First of all, I don't think you should
be calling me Jack.
I think you should call me Dad.
Hi.
You okay?
Are you okay?
Sorry if I'm giving you mixed messages.
I don't really think that it takes a
genius to figure out why I'm a little
bit...
confused.
I think we're all a little bit confused.
Thanks for being a good guy.
I'm really not.
No, you really are.
What do you mean the judge thinks we
should leave it up?
Well, apparently, these gossip websites bribe clerks to
alert them when people get down sex dates
in case there's a celebrity involved.
Anyway, Lassie is a celebrity's kid, and there's
only 48 hours left, so the judge thinks
it's just not worth the risk.
Okay, you know what?
Fuck.
Can I borrow one of Dad's ties?
I got my meeting with the producers, and
I want to look fancy.
Oh, of course you can.
Where are you going?
I'm doing what I should have done from
the very beginning.
I'm telling Lassie.
Why?
The judge can't get down the sex tape.
What?
No, wait.
I'm not asking your permission.
No, I told you, man.
She's never gonna see it.
I'm telling Lassie.
I'm going home.
Can you believe that pussy came from your
pussy?
What about Phil?
Maybe he can help.
Who's Phil?
Phil.
I love you, Mom.
His cellmate from prison.
The guy who eats rats?
Don't be so negative.
He hacked into a bank and got $20
million.
He's not just some guy that eats rats.
Hey, Phil, it's Bruce.
Long time, man.
I'm actually just calling because I need a
favour.
He's talking to his friend, the ex-con.
He eats rats.
Don't tell Mother I told you.
Yeah, so is it okay if I send
over my brother?
What?
I'm not going.
He's a computer whiz.
He can get the sex tape off the
Internet.
He's a rodent eating ex-con.
I don't know.
Hey, we're both coming.
Come in.
Hello?
Hello?
Phil?
Hi.
Um, is Phil here?
Hello, Bruce.
Phil?
It's Phyllis now.
Oh, my God, that's weird.
I'd like to introduce you to Frankie.
Oh, the brother.
Charmed.
Kiss your hair.
Oh.
Come in, boy.
Oh, I am clean as a whistle.
I'm impressed.
Well, thanks.
It's not nice to make a lady party
alone, especially when she's doing you a favour.
So, uh, Phil, you think maybe we could
get this movie down off the Internet?
It's Phyllis.
Yes, it is.
I get so horny when I smoke pot.
You too?
You know, I hope you don't take this
the wrong way, but I found your film
very healing.
I've had a lot of sadness lately.
A lot of new girls, too.
Grieving the lost Phyllis, it's normal.
It's so normal.
But I have to tell you, when I
saw what happened to you last night, good
Lord, I didn't miss my cock one bit.
Would you like to see it?
My Phyllis.
No, no, I asked if I could keep
it.
I keep it in a jar.
But, I mean, not all of it.
I mean, some of it I had to
use to reconstruct my vagina.
It's an amazingly interesting procedure.
You don't have to go into all of
that for us, Phyllis.
You'd be nice to your Auntie Phyllis, you
little shit.
No, no, Frank, you didn't.
Frank, you would love to hear all about
your penis operation.
It's just we're kind of in a hurry
to get the video down.
Why has no one asked to see that?
Your tits.
I'd fucking love to see your tits.
Not about you, Frankie.
Fancy a peek?
I will not help people who don't support
me.
What is your problem?
You hesitate.
When someone offers to show you their tits,
you don't hesitate.
You look.
Bruce, I don't even know this guy.
Why should I look at his tits?
Her!
Motherfucker!
I'm done helping you.
Bruce, I'm not going to be late for
my meeting to watch you abuse my lady
friends, Frank.
Bruce, I'm sorry.
Don't say it to me.
Phyllis?
It's me again.
When you look at me, or when you
think of me, don't scold me, but understand
I don't know everything.
You want a very good chance at fame.
I can't do everything.
Let's think I'm just a man when I
look at you.
Listen, I would really like to, but I'm
actually seeing someone right now, and I'm kind
of old-fashioned that way.
Please don't be mad.
She's a very lucky girl.
So, do you think you could with the
sex tape?
Well, since you couldn't get it up, I
may as well get it down.
Ah.
Here.
Let's see what we have here.
I really appreciate it, Phyllis.
You know, there is something you can help
me with.
Anything.
I have this date tonight, and I really,
really like this lady.
I think I might be a lesbian.
You don't have any problem with that, right?
No.
Well, I got waxed for the very first
time.
You know, down there.
At the end of the day, I went
with a Brazilian, and...
Oh, God, I hope I didn't make a
mistake.
I just want everything to be pretty.
Would you like...
Would you like me to take a look?
Oh.
Would you?
Yeah.
Okay.
Hmm.
Oh, Lord, again, we thank you so much
for Jack and for Bruce.
In your name we pray.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Good.
Thank you.
And we also wanted to talk to the
two of you about, um...
Sex.
Uh-huh.
Well, you see, my wife and I, we're
celibates.
Shut up.
We've taken a lifelong vow of chastity.
Oh, my God.
Oh, we don't expect you to live a
similar lifetime.
Oh, no.
Oh, dear, no, we can never win.
No, but we do feel very strongly about
our films being...
free.
Sex-free.
Yes.
You want a film with no sex in
it.
Correct.
Yes.
Lots of angels?
Yes.
Zero sex?
Is that gonna be a problem?
Maybe.
Fellas.
Now, look at us.
We're on a regular date like regular people.
It's nice.
It's a miracle.
When do I get to read your book?
Because I kind of want to.
I think probably never.
I'm pretty sure it sucks.
I'm pretty sure it sucks, too, but I
still want to read it.
I won't judge you.
Maybe the next one.
Excuse me.
Hey, it's you.
Love the video, dude.
Fucking hysterical.
Sorry, this happens all the time.
Seriously, seriously, it's the funniest thing I've ever
seen in my life.
You know, it got like a million hits
in three hours today.
Awesome, fuck off.
You know?
Thanks.
My God.
I do not know how to handle that
shit.
Eat my bra.
Eat my bra.
What did he say?
I don't know.
I don't think he was talking to us.
We could act out your masturbation fantasies.
Maybe that would get you hard.
Someone must have pirated a copy of the
original site before I showed it to him.
Like, I'll be a cheerleader and you be
the captain of the football team.
Maybe you just need some kind of encouragement.
You got it now, huh?
I'll do whatever you want.
We can dance.
I'll look at your penis.
Frank.
Get the jar just open.
I'll touch it.
Frank, Frank, Frank, I know how you feel.
You're embarrassed.
And you're ashamed.
And you want to die.
The exact same way I felt when the
guys on my high school team walked into
the locker room and I was dressed in
a cheerleader's uniform.
But it was at that moment I got
a glimpse for the first time of my
true me.
And that is what I want for you,
darling.
Let your humiliation set you free.
Come here, Satsuko, come here.
That's a very nice shampoo you're wearing.
Oh, no, he'll never work with me.
Jack, don't be silly.
He adores you.
Mom, he tried to shoot a guy who
cheated on his daughter.
I put her in a sex tape, which
is now being viewed by eight million people
since breakfast.
It's not a real sex tape.
It's just a funny little movie.
That's it.
What?
It's a movie.
I will just tell Jack that what I
shot in the clubhouse was a teaser for
a larger film.
What's the film?
I'll work that out.
It writes itself.
Hi.
Hey.
I'm so glad that you called.
My dad is at a meeting, but I
ordered us some dinner, so I hope you're
hungry.
Here.
Sit.
I actually have something to tell you.
It's kind of the reason why we're eating
Chinese food.
You're going to China?
The opposite.
I told him no.
It's just, it's kind of the worst time
for me to go.
I might have a tiny little bit to
do with you.
You all right?
Yeah.
Did you do these?
I was, like, really into knights when I
was a kid.
A strong, kind man dipped in metal?
Listen, it's actually a very normal fantasy for
a girl whose father has never been in
a relationship, ever.
You could connect the dots and see why,
perhaps, I was in need of some chivalry.
So, what did you want to tell me?
I'll tell you later.
Hey.
Thank you for the date yesterday.
It was really, really nice.
And normal.
Listen, Lassie, can I talk to you about
something?
I'm actually just running into a meeting right
now.
Can I give you a call back in
a little bit?
Oh, and your brother, he stopped by and
he took your car.
He said he needed to trade it for
a crane or something.
I don't know.
He said you'd understand.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
What's going on?
This is actually a really fucking big shit
to me.
I don't understand why you...
But everyone else has sex.
Why can't we?
Why can't I?
Everyone else has sex.
Why can't I?
Behold!
I am an angel sent by God to
make you pure.
Dad, I'm gonna need more wings.
What?
More wings.
Bruce.
Cut, cut.
Isn't this fucking amazing?
What is this?
I'm making a movie of that night.
What night?
The night in the clubhouse, bro.
Okay, everybody.
Places, we're going again.
No, actually, not places.
Could everyone just pack this stuff up and
go home?
I'm sorry.
Frankie, stop being such a girl.
Do not disrespect me in front of my
crew, okay?
I will slap you down.
I will fucking slap you down.
All I'm doing here is trying to make
everyone else happy.
The producers want an angel?
Jack won't do the movie unless Dharma's in
it?
Jack is in the movie?
Of course Jack's in the movie.
Jack's the money.
But he won't do it unless Dharma's in
it.
You can't fucking hang.
Stop fighting.
I'm doing all of this, bro, just to
make sure that you and Cassie don't get
embarrassed.
Bruce.
What?
Isn't Jack supposed to be in the scene?
Can everybody just stop talking to me, please?
Okay, we're going again.
Last time, rolling sound.
Bruce.
Action.
Don't listen to the angel.
Have sex.
Have sex now.
Angry.
Have it all the time.
Oh, fuck.
What are you doing here?
Telling you that you didn't know that he
filmed us that night.
I didn't.
I swear to God, I didn't.
Well, did you know that it was on
the Internet?
Cut!
Places, we're going again.
Oh, my God.
Action.
Why won't anyone have sex with me?
Wait, is that an angel?
I forbid the blood to enter your cock.
Rise, penis, rise!
Bruce, can you have it say phallus instead?
What is all of this?
Fill with blood.
Fill that member.
Bruce is making a movie so that we
won't have to be embarrassed.
What are you talking about?
Sex out of wedlock is wrong.
Get that member filled with pleasure.
Get it in that pussy.
I forbid the blood to enter your cock.
Phallus.
I forbid the blood to enter your phallus.
You big penis.
Can you say organ instead?
Motherfucker!
Come here!
Did you put my precious daughter in a
porno video?
You are fucking dead!
Do you hear me?
Oh, shit!
Time to die, motherfucker!
Bruce!
Bruce!
Fuck!
Okay, okay.
Somebody call an ambulance!
You shot me in my belly.
I know, bro.
I know.
I knew you loved me, bro.
You.
When you grabbed me and put me against
the wall, you didn't really hold me.
You want to go again, Jay?
Let's go!
He doesn't know anything.
He just thinks that he's playing the part
of the father who found out his daughter
is in a sex video.
It's fine.
You're such a fucking arsehole!
What?
What?
What the matter with you?
I just want an option in case we
decide to go dark in the end, bro.
Lassie, I'm sorry.
Leave me alone.
Lassie.
Leave me alone!
But it looked that realistic?
Hello?
Mom, stop fucking calling.
It's not your mother.
Unfortunately, I can't bear children.
Whatever.
I saw Bruce's movie along with, oh, I
don't know, a few million other people.
And what the fuck was he thinking, not
letting me play the angel?
That woman was absolute dog shit.
So you still talk to that girl?
Is she still mad at you?
She won't take my calls.
She doesn't respond to any of my emails.
Yeah, I heard through the grapevine that she's
going away.
Poor thing.
Where?
China.
You think you're embarrassed?
Try having half the planet watch some guy
not be able to fuck you all night.
That's embarrassing, my friend.
Anyway, I thought you should know she's going
away.
Just in case one of the people on
this phone call wanted to start acting like
a man, darling.
Let your auntie Phyllis give you a piece
of advice, Frankie baby.
I don't give a shit how many people
saw what happened in that clubhouse that night.
And I don't care what they thought about
it.
They weren't there.
They were just watching.
If you really fell in love with that
girl that night, then what the fuck are
you still doing in the desert?
Hey, bro.
Listen, I know we haven't talked since the
whole angel debacle, and I just wanted to
say I'm really sorry.
After you left, I got to thinking maybe
I'm incapable of change.
But look, no camera.
Well, I'm impressed.
Right?
You proud of me?
What time's our flight?
7 p.m. We better hit the road
before we lose the light.
Hey, Bruce, can you help me with something
in here?
Sure.
You can be the strong guy.
Yeah.
You're not filming this, Bruce!
What?
Plenty of food and water in there.
There's even a mirror in case you want
to jerk off.
TV gets channel 6.
I swear I'm not a pig that I'm
not going to film you!
I'm going to give you a headshot!
Take two!
A master from far away!
Bro, I just want to give you a
happy ending!
Hunt!
I love you!
So long, so long.
Never wait so long.
Here comes your man.
Hey!
People coming!
Here comes your man.
Here comes your man.
Here comes your...
I am a strong, kind man dipped in
metal.
Dipped in metal.
And I have come to take you away
from all of this.
And to protect you.
And to defend you.
And to apologise for sucking at it so
far.
Lassie, I know all about embarrassment.
18 million people saw me throw up on
my fiance.
Then 35 million people saw my dick not
work.
I'm standing in front of you wearing a
car.
Don't go.
It won't help.
I really appreciate all this effort.
I just...
I can't live here anymore.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
Come.
Come and visit me.
I could probably use a night.
I might have a little trouble with the
metal detector.
We had
sex with a knight before.
I'm gonna fuck you in the round table,
bitch.
Feel real to me.
Inside of Memphis all the buildings look big
And the white picket fences all dare To
charge around the lawn and hold their heads
up high When the headlights find the mouth
I'll be the first to put their hands
in the air With my radio on Oh,
singing a country song, soft and low And
on the edge of the city limit line
This is where the boundary finally ends And
I swear that we're the last living souls
In a populated ghost town All the billboards
are our best friends Oh, which way did
our last chance go And can we get
out if we go right now Cause it
seems that with the malls And the megachurch
stadiums We would get out if we knew
just how With the radio on Oh, singing
a country song, soft and low Standing
in line to have mercy on this boy
Did it all by the book He still
kind of has his doubts Yeah, you look
pretty good in that John Quill dress But
your smile is a wooden nickel spry And
I know that it ain't worth much It
feels good to touch And I think that
I could dance if I tried With your
radio on Oh, singing a country song, soft
and low Near the
ghost of Patsy Cline On the Grand Ole
Opry
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